‘Church Hurt’ is a term that has become more prevalent in our modern time amongst Christian circles. Many Christians attest to experiencing some type of ‘Church Hurt.’ Some cases are so severe that professional counseling is sought. Many people have abandoned the church due to the hurt they have experienced. Church hurt can range from minor offenses to severe abuses. If you are one that has attended church all your life, no doubt, there have been times when you have experienced church hurt. Though the Bible may not address church hurt directly, it does provide an encouraging perspective.
In considering this subject of church hurt, we will look at some encouraging reminders along with some practical steps to overcoming church hurt. Let us look first at some encouraging reminders.
God sees you. Whatever hurt you may experience in life, it is comforting to know that God sees you. He sees your hurt. He sees your pain. Exodus 3:7 says, “And the Lord said: “I have surely seen the oppression of My people who are in Egypt, and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters, for I know their sorrows.”[1] God saw the oppression of His people in Egypt. He knew their sorrows. One of the names for God is El Roi. He is the God who sees. Genesis 16:13 says, “Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, Have I also here seen Him who sees me?”[2] Hagar felt alone and rejected, but God saw her. Whatever you experience in life, however great the struggle, God sees you. He sees you, knows you, and has a plan for you. The hurt you have experienced has not gone unnoticed. When you have experienced church hurt, God is there and He sees you.
God understands you. There is nothing that you go through in life that God does not understand. You may feel hurt and betrayed by people in the church; know that God understands because He has been there. He knows what it is like to be betrayed. Remember Peter? He was one of the most prominent disciples of Jesus. He was the one that God used to establish the church. Yet, he brought great pain to Jesus. He betrayed Jesus at the darkest part of Jesus’ life on earth. Luke 22:54-62 says, “Having arrested Him, they led Him and brought Him into the high priest’s house. But Peter followed at a distance. Now when they had kindled a fire in the midst of the courtyard and sat down together, Peter sat among them. And a certain servant girl, seeing him as he sat by the fire, looked intently at him and said, “This man was also with Him.” But he denied Him, saying, “Woman, I do not know Him.” And after a little while another saw him and said, “You also are of them. But Peter said, “Man, I am not!” Then after about an hour had passed, another confidently affirmed, saying, “Surely this fellow also was with Him, for he is a Galilean.” But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are saying!” Immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how He had said to him, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” So Peter went out and wept bitterly.”[3] Can you imagine the pain Jesus must have felt at that moment? He was about to face the cross and Peter denied that he even knew Him. God knows what it is like to have those He loves betray Him. He has been there. He understands. You are not alone in your pain. You are not alone in your experience of betrayal by those you love. He has been there. God understands.
God loves you. Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”[4] You may feel betrayed, hurt, and unloved. But, God never stops loving you. Others may let you down and disappoint you, but God is faithful. He will never stop loving you. He will always be there for you. When others betray you and stab you in the back and turn away from you, He is there. You are never alone. God loves you.
In addition to these encouraging reminders, there are a few practical steps you can take to overcome church hurt.
Remember the reality of our sin nature. The Bible is very clear that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”[5] Sinful people do sinful things and that includes church people. We are all sinners. Because of our sin nature, we will hurt one another. It is not a matter of if, but when. Every relationship has an element of hurt and disappointment. Why? Because we are sinners. Therefore, to overcome church hurt, we must first realize that we are sinners and sinful people do sinful things.
Forgive and move on. We are encouraged over and over in the scriptures to forgive one another. Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”[6] There is no reason for Christians to not forgive. Yes, you have been hurt. Yes, you feel betrayed. Yes, you have been let down. But, you must forgive. You must forgive completely and then move on. Sometime the best advice we can receive is simply: “get over it.” There comes a point when it’s time to just move on. It’s not about who wins or who loses. It’s not about who is right or who is wrong. The church is one family with one purpose and one mission. Too much is at stake for us to stay stuck in unforgiveness. There comes a time when we need to stop arguing, stop giving explanations or trying to make a point and just move on. Sometimes we have to agree to not talk about the issue anymore, hit the reset button, start over, and move on. You will never get past the hurt until you forgive completely and move on.
Don’t view the present and the future through the lens of past experience. You may have experienced a certain level of church hurt in the past. Perhaps you attended a church where the pastor had some type of moral failure. Perhaps you found yourself in a place where legalism was practiced and church leadership bullied people into submission. Perhaps you were betrayed by other church members. Perhaps you saw church members turn on the pastor you love and treated he and his family hatefully. Whatever you have experienced in the past, it does not mean it is true of all pastors and churches. When we have been hurt, we naturally keep our guard up. We don’t want to be hurt again. When something happens that is remotely similar to what we experienced in the past, we tend to view people the same way we view those who have hurt us. We end up jumping to conclusions, making assumptions, and making unwarranted judgement. Because of what we experienced in the past, we end up becoming the cause of church hurt. What you experienced in the past is in the past. You cannot compare every circumstance today to what you experienced in the past. You have to let go of the past and look at the present with an unfiltered and unbiased and Biblical lens.
Stay faithful to church attendance. No matter how difficult the hurt, you cannot stop going to church. The hurt may be of such that you cannot stay in the church where you are at. Even in that case, go to church somewhere. You cannot grow as a Christian apart from the church. Hebrews 10:25 says, “not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.”[7] Whatever you do, don’t stop going to church even it means going somewhere new.
Commit to being a help and not a hindrance. Sometimes our hurt can fester in such a way that we become part of the problem. We don’t think straight when we are hurt. We say and do things out of our pain. When we do so, we tend to bring more harm than good. When we are hurt, we tend to react and lash out in anger. By doing so, we just make matters worse. Therefore, we need to grow in our maturity in such a way that when we are hurt, we do not react. Instead, we proactively look for solutions. We help instead of hinder. Too often we become a hindrance to the church ourselves because of our reaction to our hurt. When you get hurt, take a step back. Stay silent for a while. Seek the Lord. Pray. Search the scriptures. Then, when you are of a clear mind, provide helpful solutions rather than reactive hindrances.
Focus on the mission. The mission of the church is simple. Our mission is to reach the world for Jesus. There is too much at stake to get side tracked by petty church issues. The mission is too great. It is too important. The best way to avoid church hurt is to just stay focused on the mission. Involve yourself in the work of the church. Ge involved in ministries that reach the lost for Christ. Don’t get tangled up in the weeds of meaningless arguments and disputes. Stay focused on the mission.
Church hurt is real. Some church hurt can run very deep and is hard to recover from. However, we must understand that churches will always have problems because sinful people attend them. The key is learning to focus on the things that matter most and when we are hurt, to take the necessary steps to overcome the hurt.
[1] The New King James Version (Ex 3:7). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[2] The New King James Version (Ge 16:13). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[3] The New King James Version (Lk 22:54–62). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[4] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (La 3:22–23). (2025). Crossway Bibles.
[5] The New King James Version (Ro 3:23). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[6] The New King James Version (Eph 4:32). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[7] The New King James Version (Heb 10:25). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
Pastor Chris Noland 