In his famous Temple Sermon, Jeremiah has already dealt with the issue of false worship and false prophets. Now, he focuses on the very personal subject of false friends. We’ve all had people that have let us down and betrayed us and disappointed us. Unfortunately, this is all too common in our world today. We live in a very selfish society where everyone is in it for themselves. They approach relationships on the level of what they can get out of it, rather than what they can contribute. Such behavior is expected in the world amongst lost people. However, such behavior should never be seen amongst believers, however; unfortunately, it is not uncommon amongst believers.
“This passage probably earned Jeremiah his reputation as the “weeping prophet” (along with 14:17), but God is also weeping in this passage, as evidenced by the fivefold “my people,” a phrase frequently expressing God’s covenant relationship with Israel.”[1] As Jeremiah weeps over the condition of God’s people, we find in chapter nine, four characteristics of false friends along with a three-fold remedy.
Characteristic #1: Lies Prevail. Nothing will break your trust and confidence in another like the spreading of lies and false accusations. Jeremiah 9:3 says, “And like their bow they have bent their tongues for lies. They are not valiant for the truth on the earth.”[2] The idea that they have ‘bent their tongue for lies like a bow’ suggest that their lies are not accidental. The lies are aimed and directed and strategic. Though it does not bring any justification for lies, it is imperative to understand the naïve nature of those who may perpetrate the lies. For example, one may have heard some misleading information or they may only hear part of a story or they may have been hurt themselves. As a result, they come to a certain biased conclusion. The deeper they go, the more convinced they are that they are actually the ones in the right and telling the truth. Even though they may feel some conviction and some hesitation, they still spread the lie because it benefits them and supports the narrative they wish to convey. The point being is that most lies begin with a half-truth or an innocent misunderstanding. However, those ‘innocent’ lies soon turn into deliberate and intentional and targeted lies. You may have someone who starts with the right heart and motive but gets caught up in a false narrative and finds themselves deeper than they ever wanted to go. A true friend will repent of any lies they have told and will change their ways once they come to understand the truth. However, a false friend is one who will continue in the lies no matter what they are told. A false friend allows the lies to prevail rather than listening to and supporting the truth.
Characteristic #2: Evil Builds. Verse three goes on to say, “For they proceed from evil to evil, And they do not know Me,” says the Lord.”[3] A false friend is one who simply will not stop. They go from one thing to another. It is as if they can’t win on one point, so they find another thing to fight about. Have you ever known someone that no matter what you do, they are against you? They seem to constantly look for things they can use against you. One way or another, they are determined to find something to bring you down. They go from one lie to another. They go from one evil to another. This is a result of our sin nature. When we allow our sin to go unchecked, we find ourselves on a downward spiral of depravity that brings more hurt and more shame. Sin is a cancer. It spreads and destroys everything in its path until it is stopped through true repentance. A false friend is like a cancer that spreads evil.
Characteristic #3: Trust Destroyed. Verse 4-5 says, “Everyone take heed to his neighbor, And do not trust any brother; For every brother will utterly supplant, And every neighbor will walk with slanderers. Everyone will deceive his neighbor, And will not speak the truth; They have taught their tongue to speak lies; They weary themselves to commit iniquity.”[4] Can you imagine being at a place in your life where you cannot trust anyone? I must confess that over the years, I have personally been a bit naïve. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I tend to be a little too trusting. As a result, I have been burned by people many times. The people of Judah was so wrapped up in themselves that it was impossible to trust anyone. Everyone had their own agenda and ulterior motives. No one would speak the truth. Everyone was deceptive. They spread lies and they slandered one another. Such an environment is exhausting. When trust is destroyed, very little can be accomplished. A false friend is one that cannot be trusted. They may appear to be a friend and can be very convincing; but they are conniving and deceitful and cannot be trusted. When trust is lost, one may desire to restore what is lost. However, restoring trust and building trust can take a lifetime. Restoring trust begins with a commitment to personal integrity. Daily faithfulness to always do the right thing is key to developing trust.
Characteristic #4: Deception Reigns. The fourth characteristic of a false friend is one who is deceptive. Verse 6 says, “Your dwelling place is in the midst of deceit; Through deceit they refuse to know Me,” says the Lord.”[5] The people of Judah dwelled in the midst of deceit. Such deceptiveness originates with the father of lies, Satan himself. He is the king of deceit. Satan will often use those who are weak in faith as pawns to deceive others. A false friend is one who lives in deceit. He is one who loves deceit. He may even find joy in deceiving others and having his own way. Such a person is one to be avoided.
In addition to the characteristics of false friends, we should also consider the remedy. The remedy for dealing with false friends is three-fold.
Remedy #1: Tested and Refined. Verses 7 says, “Therefore thus says the Lord of hosts: Behold, I will refine them and try them; For how shall I deal with the daughter of My people?”[6] “God responded to Judah’s deception by seeking to refine and test her because of her sin.”[7] God has a way of revealing the truth and setting things right. When lies prevail, evil builds, trust destroys, and deception reigns; God will allow a season of trials and testing in order to refine us. There are times when a trial by fire is necessary. Being refined by fire brings out the impurities. It reveals the truth. It also restores. It rebuilds. It strengthens. The key is allowing God to do His work. Too often we take matters into our own hands and we try to fix things ourselves. Like clay in the potter’s hand, we must be moldable. We must allow God to work on us and to try us and refine us and shape us into what He desires for us to be.
Remedy #2: Mourn and Repent. As one is tested and refined, it is imperative that a response is given the includes repentance and mourning over sin. Verse 17 says, “Thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider and call for the mourning women, That they may come; And send for skillful wailing women, That they may come.”[8] In Bible times, there were those who were professional mourners. They would come to funeral services and cry and wail over the one who had died. Jeremiah says that Judah needed to call the mourners to come and mourn because of their sin. When we are tested and tried and our sin is revealed, there should be some grief experienced. If it is our desire to please the Lord in all that we do, and we discover that we have failed to please Him, it should cause us to despair. It should lead us to sorrow as we cannot bear the thought of displeasing our Lord. Such sorrow should then lead to repentance. To repent is to change. It is to change direction. It is to turn from sin and turn to Jesus. The only hope for the false friend is to repent. The only hope for you and I is to repent. We cannot allow our sin to go unchecked. We must deal with it as soon as it is known to us. We should always strive to keep short accounts with the Lord. We should confess our sins the moment we realize we have sinned and then repent and be determined not to return to the sin again.
Remedy #3: Boast in the Lord. Once we have gone through the fire and we have repented of our sin, then we should give all the glory to God. Verse 24 says, “But let him who glories glory in this, That he understands and knows Me, That I am the Lord, exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth. For in these I delight,” says the Lord.”[9] We have nothing that we can boast in and of ourselves. There is no glory that we claim of our own. All glory goes to God alone. When reconciliation and restoration occurs, it is nothing that we have achieved. It is a work of God and Him alone should receive the credit and the glory.
False friends are an inevitable part of life because Satan is still at work. He will raise people up in our lives that he uses as pawns to fulfill his desire to bring us down and keep us from doing the work that God has called us to. However, we must not grow weary. We must not faint. We must stand strong and stay faithful. For God will deal with the enemy. He will fight our battles for us. Truth will be revealed and He will defend us and restore us. When the heat is on and there are those who betray you and spread all kinds of false accusations and lie; just stay faithful. Don’t argue. Don’t fight. Trust in the Lord. He will fight for you. When He has delivered you from false friends, be sure to give Him all the glory that He alone deserves.
[1] Huey, F. B. (1993). Jeremiah, Lamentations (Vol. 16, p. 116). Broadman & Holman Publishers.
[2] The New King James Version (Je 9:3). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[3] The New King James Version (Je 9:3). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[4] The New King James Version (Je 9:4–5). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[5] The New King James Version (Je 9:6). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[6] The New King James Version (Je 9:7). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[7] Dyer, C. H. (1985). Jeremiah. In J. F. Walvoord & R. B. Zuck (Eds.), The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures (Vol. 1, p. 1141). Victor Books.
[8] The New King James Version (Je 9:17). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[9] The New King James Version (Je 9:24). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
Pastor Chris Noland 