How would you define ‘family’? This is a loaded question. There is really no definite definition of ‘family.’ There is very little consensus on what constitutes a family. It can be understood sociologically, biologically, relationally, and even legally. However, for our study, it is important that our view of family is based on a biblical perspective. Surprisingly, the Bible does not give a definition of family. However, the Bible does use the term ‘house’ or ‘household’ often. A household is seen as a social unit that provides a sense of order. The Holman Bible Handbook says, “A household includes the provision of basic needs (1 Tim 5:8), rearing of children (1 Tim 3:12), protection (Matt 12:25), and enhancing the quality of life for parents and children (“building a house,” Prov 24:3). The Bible assumes that these tasks demand a certain structural order both within the family, and with respect to the family in society.”[1]
A family may also apply to a community of people. The church is often referenced as a family. Looking through the lens of a Biblical worldview, one may understand ‘family’ as those who follow Jesus and care for one another. For believers, the universal body of Christ is our ‘extended’ family, whereas; the local church is our ‘immediate’ family.
As we consider what the Bible says about ‘family’ we find three basic things to discover: foundation of the family, make-up of the family, and purpose of the family. All three of these aspects apply both to the family unit as in a home or household. In addition, these aspects apply to the church as a family.
Foundation of the family. There are three basic God-ordained institutions by which we govern our lives: the home, human government, and the church. The foundation of the family begins with understanding that the family is ordained by God. From the creation of man, the home or family was ordained by God. Genesis 1:27-28 says, “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”[2] Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”[3] What we see in Genesis is that God created male and female and established them as a family and gave them a specific purpose. It is thus rightly assumed that since God created the family and established the family and ordained the family, He is, therefore, the foundation of the family. More specifically, just as Jesus Christ is the foundation of the church, He is the foundation of the family. In reference to the church, Ephesians 2:20 says, “having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone.’[4] The ‘apostles and prophets’ may be referenced to the Bible. God’s Word serves as the foundation of the church with Jesus as the chief cornerstone. This foundation of Christ and His Word not only applies to the church, but also, to the family and to individual lives. Without a proper foundation, the structure will collapse. Too many homes have been built on selfishness, self-seeking, and pleasure. Too many homes have been built on the social ladder of success and self-gratification. This is why so many homes fall apart. They are built on the wrong foundation. Only that which is built on Christ alone will last. He is a firm foundation. The foundation of Jesus Christ stands the test of time. Build your house upon Jesus!
Make-up of the family. When it comes to the family unit, the Bible is very clear concerning the make-up of the family. Looking back in Genesis, we find that man and his wife become one flesh. They are one family. The family is made of one man and one woman who is committed to one another and to God for life. It is necessary to point out that God ordained marriage not to be between two men or two women, but between one man and one woman for life. As the old preachers would say, “God did not create Adam and Steve, He created Adam and Eve!” We live in a society today where there is much confusion on this issue of gender and the marriage relationship. When it comes to the issues of life, there is only one way and that is the Bible way. The very fabric of our society is torn apart by the liberal ungodly and depraved agenda of the LGBTQ+ community. Yes, we are to hate the sin and love the sinner. However, there comes a time when we must stand for the truth. This world knows all too well what we are against. However, we need to be bold in declaring what we are for! We are for life. We are for Biblical marriage between one man and one women. We are for children being brought up in the admonition of the Lord. We are for men who are men, who fulfill their God-given responsibility as the head of the house and the leaders of the church. We are for women who are women, who fulfill their God-given responsibility to support her husband and nurture and care for her children. This is the Bible way and this is what we should be for! Ephesians 5:22-6:4 says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”[5] One may say it sounds sexist or old fashioned. No. It’s Biblical. It’s the way God intended things to be. It’s time we stop watering down the scriptures and accept what the scripture says and obey it. When it comes to the family, it must be understood that each person in the family unit has a role to play. This is not an issue of worth. For all are of the same worth in the eyes of God. This is not an issue of rank. For one is not above the other. It is an issue of role and responsibility. We each have a God-given role and with that role, we are given certain responsibilities that are clearly laid out in scripture. The husband is given the role of leader in the home. He has the responsibility to lead his family in the things of the Lord. He has the responsibility to provide for His family and protect His family. The wife also has a role and responsibilities. She is to be the supporter. She is the neck that holds up the head. She is to respect her husband, nurture and care for her children, and set an example for her children. The children also have a role and responsibility. They are to obey their parents and learn from them and respect them and honor them. This is the Bible way. There is also a make-up for the church family. Just like the home consists of different roles with responsibilities, so the church is made up of believers in Christ whom God has given certain spiritual gifts and has placed them in the local church in various roles with various responsibilities. When every part of the body is fulfilling their purpose, then the overall purpose and mission of the church is fulfilled.
Purpose of the Family. There are two basic purposes of the family. First, there is an illustrative purpose. The family unit of man and wife along with any children they may have, serves as an illustration of the relationship between Christ and His church. It illustrates the love of Christ, the sacrifice of Christ, and the care of Christ for His bride, the church. What a beautiful thing! The family is God’s great visual aid of what it looks like to have a relationship with Him. There are several things that a family illustrates. One, it illustrates unconditional love. When we think of God’s love for us, we see it as unconditional love. He loves His children no matter what they may do. Once someone has placed their faith in the Lord Jesus, their salvation is secure. They may sin and make wrong choices, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are a child of God. We should be thankful that God is always quick to forgive and in-spite of what we do, He still loves us and we still belong to Him. The family illustrates this unconditional love. For example, I love each of my children deeply. They are my children. They bear my name. Therefore, even if they rebel and turn their back on me, it doesn’t change the fact that they are my flesh and blood. They will always be my children. Nothing they do can ever change that. This unconditional love should also be displayed in the church. It should not matter how much we feel that we have been wronged by others. We should love anyways. Not just in words, but also, in acts of kindness and support for one another. The family also illustrates forgiveness. The reason we can love unconditionally is because of the love God has for us and the love we have for one another. As a family, we are to forgive the way God forgives us. He forgives completely. He does not hold our sin against us and He does not bring it up again. Such forgiveness should be seen in the husband and wife relationship and in the relationship between parents and children. This should also be seen in the church. As a pastor for over 25 years and dealing with all kinds people, I have been hurt many times. I have been betrayed, lied about, gossiped about, and have even endure personal attacks on myself and on my family. However, as Christian, I must forgive. If I harbor unforgiveness in my heart, I will destroy myself. Once I forgive, I cannot hold the sin against someone. I must move on. I must let it go and treat them as if it never happened. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. Just as God forgives us, we forgive one another. The family relationship provides a picture of God’s forgiveness for us. A final thing the family illustrates is joy. There is nothing more joyful than being together with your family. I love time at home with my family. I love vacations with my family. I love family gatherings at holidays. I love my church family. I love church dinners. I love serving together. I love coming to church every week. I love being with my family. There is great joy found in being with family. The joy of family illustrates for us the joy that we have in the Lord. As the Bible describes it, is a “joy unspeakable and full of glory.” It is a joy that carries us through all the trials of life. It is a joy that sustains us. It is a joy that strengthens us to carry on day by day. This joy of the Lord is experienced and illustrated in a godly family and in the church. There are many more things that the family illustrates, but love, forgiveness, and joy illustrated in the family and the church will make a lost world around us sit up and take notice and have a desire to be a part of such a family.
Not only is the purpose of the family illustrative, but it is also missional. I must say that I am very blessed. I have watched my children grow over the years in faith and in purpose. I have watched them serve the Lord in many ways, and now I see God working in them to prepare them for a life of serving the Lord. My son is soon to be married and is also preparing to begin his first experience as a staff member of a church serving as a minister to students. My oldest daughter is faithfully serving the Lord this summer, teaching children how to ride and care for horses while being a witness to them. Her goal in life is to be an equine assistant therapist and work at camps, and children’s homes using horses to share the love of Jesus with children. My youngest daughter is active in the youth program at church and loves being at church and serving the Lord. She has plans to be a cosmetologist and share her faith with her clients. I have worked alongside my wife and my children leading Good News Clubs, summer camps, vacation Bible schools, among many other ministry projects. You see, the purpose of the family is to be missional. God has called your family to grow together in the love of Christ and to be on mission together to reach the world for Jesus. The same is true for the church. Our purpose is missional. It is to connect people to Jesus. In everything we do, it’s all about bringing people to Jesus. This is our purpose. This is what we live for as believers and this should be the purpose of our families and of our church.
The family is more than just husband and wife and children. The family is to be firmly established on the foundation of Jesus Christ and should be joyfully engaged in their illustrative and missional purpose. May God raise up such families today.
[1] Dockery, D. S., ed. (1992). Holman Bible Handbook (p. 853). Holman Bible Publishers.
[2] The New King James Version (Ge 1:27–31). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[3] The New King James Version (Ge 2:24). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[4] The New King James Version (Eph 2:20). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[5] The New King James Version (Eph 6:1–4). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
Pastor Chris Noland 