We live in a very negative world. Everywhere you go there are people and circumstances that are just waiting to ruin your day. At every turn there is someone that is not happy and no matter what you do they are never satisfied. Even when you try to stay positive and maintain a godly attitude there is someone whispering in your ear with some stabbing comment that distracts you and throws you off course. Even when you think all is well and you’re having a great day, there is someone that is quick to offer a critical and negative comment.
Negativity has a tendency to feed on itself. One person may be negative about one thing and that leads to someone else being negative about another thing and it just builds and builds to where it is simply overwhelming. Sometimes the negativity is so strong that you are afraid to do or say anything for fear of making yet another person upset. Negativity can not only be discouraging, but it can also be just plain exhausting. It saps the life out of you.
If you find yourself in a negative environment and you feel closed in and surrounded, there is hope. The negativity does not have to keep you from being who God has called you to be. The negativity will not destroy you unless you let it. So, what should you do when surrounded by negativity?
- Renew your mind.
The scripture says in Romans 12:1-2, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”[1] Your overall well-being is directly connected to your mind. How you think affects everything. What do you think about yourself? What do you think about other people? What do you think about God? Thinking is what makes a man. Your thinking will make the difference between joy and sadness, compassion and anger, success and failure, etc. This is why renewing your mind is so important. The renewing of your mind comes from a closeness with Jesus and His Word. When you are in the Word daily, it will change the way you see things. It will change the way you think. It is virtually impossible to be a negative person while living in the Word. The Bible has a way of changing your attitude and your outlook on life. As you renew your mind you may feel the heaviness of the negativity around you, but you will not succumb to it. The Message paraphrase of Philippians 4:8-9 says, “Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.”[2] It is in feeding on God’s Word that one can develop a positive mind that dwells on the things that are good rather than the things that are bad. It seems that there is more bad in life than there is good. The reason it seems this way is because the bad is always the loudest. However, the truth is that there is far more good than bad. It is in focusing on the good that you can drown out the bad. Those with a renewed mind will see the good in everything rather than the bad. How is such a renewed mind achieved? Again, it comes through quality time in the Word. The more God’s Word fills you, not just in your head but in your heart, the more positive your attitude will be and the more pleasant your life will be. Making sure you are in the right state of mind is the first step in dealing with the negativity that surrounds you. The negativity cannot get a foothold in a mind that is being renewed. It may discourage you from time to time and it may be the cause of grief and stress, but it will not consume you or destroy you when your mind is renewed.
- Be careful with the company you keep.
Proverbs 12:26 says, “The righteous should choose his friends carefully, For the way of the wicked leads them astray.”[3] One of the most difficult things in life is learning who you can trust. You would think that you can trust all believers in Christ. However, this is not the case. Sadly, there may be people you go to church with that you cannot trust. Therefore, choosing who your friends are is very key. The company you keep can make or break you. Proverbs 22:24-25 says, “Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, or you will learn his ways and find a snare for yourself.”[4] People rub off on each other. Who you associate with is who you will become. If you hang around negative people, you yourself risk becoming negative also. Negativity is contagious and it will rob you of your joy. Therefore, those around you that are constantly critical and negative, you should keep your distance. You may not be able to avoid seeing them every day. However, when they start coming at you with their negativity, just simply smile and listen. Don’t respond, just tell them you love them and walk away. Do not allow such people to enter your inner circle. Keep them at arms-length. Those in your inner circle should be those that speak life and truth into you and not sap life from you with their negativity. Choose your friends wisely and be careful with the company you keep.
- Be an optimistic realist.
There are some who promote negativity by claiming to be a ‘realist.’ They state what they think is true about a situation and fuel negativity by their ‘realist’ attitude. It is true that we must be truthful and see things for what they are; both the good, bad, and the ugly. However, being a realist does not mean you have to be negative. You may be in a difficult situation, but not all is lost. Every day presents a new opportunity. The challenges we face are opportunities to do some good. Yes, you should be truthful about reality, however; be an optimistic realist. When you see bad things happening around you, stop and look for the good things. Look for the positive. Look for how God is working in your life. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”[5] No matter what is happening around you, God is still good. He will work it all for the good if you will just allow Him. As a pastor, when I face difficult situations in the church, the first thing I do is drop to my knees in prayer. I ask God to work it all out for me. Then I ask Him to give me wisdom if He so desires to use me as an instrument to resolve the issue. Most of the time, God just works it out and I don’t have to do anything. God has a way of working things out when we stay out of the way. Therefore, when things are bad and negativity surrounds you, just relax and rest and know that God is working it out for the good. You can be real about a bad situation without being negative. Focus on the good that God is doing and with joy and anticipation reach out to the future. What you are experiencing is temporary. Stay faithful and be an optimistic realist.
- Treat others with love and respect.
One of the worse things one can do when surrounded by negativity is to feed the negativity by lashing out and arguing with others. I cannot tell you the number of times someone came to me and unwarrantedly chewed me out. The times when I attempted to defend myself and argue back, it just got worse. However, the times when I just listened and spoke softly in love, the problem deescalates. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”[6] There is nothing one can do when you refuse to argue back. Respond with a soft and loving voice and speak words of encouragement rather than words that makes the matter worse. To combat negativity, one must be sure to live a Spirit filled life so that the fruits of the Spirit are displayed in their behavior. No matter how someone treats you, always respond with love and respect.
- Keep your eyes on Jesus.
Your identity is found in Jesus. You are not defined by what other people think or the negativity around you. Never forget who you are in Christ. It is difficult to be a negative person when your eyes are fixed upon Jesus. It is difficult to be consumed by the negativity around you when your eyes are fixed upon Jesus. 1 Peter 2:9 says, “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.”[7]You are a born-again child of God. You are chosen to serve the Lord. You are chosen to bring light into a dark world. Don’t be one who puts out the light by negativity. Instead, be the light. Be the one who is always pointing the way to Jesus. Be the one who is always positive and expelling the darkness by the light that shines through you. Never lose sight of who you are. Keep your eyes on Jesus!
Negativity will destroy you, only if you let it. Refuse to allow the negativity of others to rub off on you. Instead, may your positivity and right attitude rub off on others. As others try to sap life out of you, don’t be like them. Breathe life into others. The negativity may still be there, but it will not affect you when you renew your mind, be careful of the company you keep, be an optimistic realist, treat others with love and respect, and keep your eyes on Jesus.
[1] The New King James Version (Ro 12:1–2). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[2] Peterson, E. H. (2005). The Message: the Bible in contemporary language (Php 4:8–9). NavPress.
[3] The New King James Version (Pr 12:26). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[4] New American Standard Bible: 1995 update (Pr 22:24–25). (1995). The Lockman Foundation.
[5] The New King James Version (Ro 8:28). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[6] The New King James Version (Pr 15:1). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
[7] The New King James Version (1 Pe 2:9). (1982). Thomas Nelson.
Pastor Chris Noland 